\u201cBir ki\u015fi size e\u015fek derse, duymazdan gelin.
\n\u0130ki ki\u015fi size e\u015fek derse, ald\u0131rmay\u0131n.
\n\u00dc\u00e7 ki\u015fi size e\u015fek derse, neden diye bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcn.
\nD\u00f6rt ki\u015fi size e\u015fek derse, kendinizi iyice g\u00f6zden ge\u00e7irin.
\nBe\u015f ki\u015fi size e\u015fek derse, hi\u00e7 durmay\u0131n, kendinize bir semer al\u0131n\u2026 \u201c<\/p>\n
Yukar\u0131daki s\u00f6z\u00fc kim s\u00f6ylemi\u015f, bilmiyorum; ama galiba do\u011fruluk pay\u0131 olduk\u00e7a y\u00fcksek bir s\u00f6z.<\/p>\n
Be\u011fenilmek, kusursuz olmak, yeterli olmak, takdir edilmek\u2026 Neredeyse t\u00fcm insanlar\u0131n ortak beklentisi. Kim kendisi i\u00e7in b\u00f6yle de\u011ferlendirmeler yap\u0131ls\u0131n istemez ki? Bize sadece iltifat olsun diye s\u00f6yleniveren bu anlamdaki s\u00f6zler bile pek ho\u015fumuza gider. G\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015fte tevazuya yaslansak bile i\u00e7ten i\u00e7e havalara gireriz. Ama i\u015fimize ya da ki\u015fili\u011fimize son derece iyi niyetli bir ele\u015ftiri ya da uyar\u0131 y\u00f6neltilmeye g\u00f6rs\u00fcn; hemen celalleniriz: \u201cSen beni ele\u015ftirebilecek, uyarabilecek, anlayabilecek vs., vs., seviyede adam m\u0131s\u0131n ki? (Bizim seviyemiz her neyse.) Haddini bilmez herif sen de!\u201d \u2026 diye sayd\u0131r\u0131r\u0131z. Bu itirazlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakinin y\u00fcz\u00fcne hayk\u0131rmay\u0131 g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcz yemiyorsa, i\u00e7imizden ya da arkas\u0131ndan s\u00fclalesine kadar nesi varsa sayd\u0131r\u0131r\u0131z. K\u0131sacas\u0131 \u00f6v\u00fclmeye a\u00e7\u0131\u011f\u0131z da bize e\u015fek diyenin vay haline\u2026<\/p>\n
Bunda \u015fa\u015f\u0131lacak bir yan yok; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc dost\u00e7a ya da d\u00fc\u015fmanca ele\u015ftiriler, ger\u00e7eklik paylar\u0131 olsun ya da olmas\u0131n, bizi kendi kimli\u011fimiz ve ki\u015fili\u011fimiz konusundaki tam g\u00fcvenimize kar\u015f\u0131 ku\u015fkuya d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr\u00fcr. \u201cAcaba kendime olan g\u00fcvenim sa\u011flam temellere oturmuyor mu, kendi hakk\u0131mda yan\u0131l\u0131yor muyum?\u201d gibi \u00e7ok rahats\u0131z edici sorular uykumuzu ka\u00e7\u0131r\u0131r. Bizi bu t\u00fcr s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131lara sokan ki\u015fileri, s\u00f6zlerinde hakl\u0131 olup olmad\u0131klar\u0131na bakmaks\u0131z\u0131n, aya\u011f\u0131m\u0131za batm\u0131\u015f bir diken gibi \u00e7evremizden s\u00f6k\u00fcp atmaya kalk\u0131\u015f\u0131r\u0131z. Peki, onlara kar\u015f\u0131 b\u00f6yle davranmam\u0131z do\u011fru mudur? Ya uyar\u0131lar\u0131, ele\u015ftirileri bize d\u00fc\u015fmanl\u0131klar\u0131ndan de\u011fil de dostluklar\u0131ndan, iyi niyetlerinden do\u011fuyorsa?<\/p>\n
Uyar\u0131 ve ele\u015ftirileri \u00f6fkeyle, \u00f6nyarg\u0131yla ve ilkel savunma g\u00fcd\u00fcm\u00fczle kar\u015f\u0131lay\u0131p \u201cUlan sen kim oluyorsun da beni ele\u015ftiriyorsun, bana ak\u0131l veriyorsun.\u201d gibi yak\u0131\u015f\u0131ks\u0131z tepkiler g\u00f6stermek yerine \u201cBu uyar\u0131 ve tepkilerde hakl\u0131l\u0131k pay\u0131 var m\u0131? Ben yanl\u0131\u015f m\u0131 davrand\u0131m, varsa hatam\u0131 d\u00fczeltebilir miyim?\u201d diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmekte yarar vard\u0131r. B\u00f6yle bir de\u011ferlendirme sonunda kendimizde kusur bulursak hem yanl\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdan zarar g\u00f6renlerden \u00f6z\u00fcr dileyip kusurumuzu d\u00fczeltmek hem de hakl\u0131 ve yerinde uyar\u0131lar\u0131ndan dolay\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakine te\u015fekk\u00fcr etmek gere\u011fini duyabiliriz. B\u00f6yle bir tutum bize hi\u00e7bir \u015fey kaybettirmez, aksine bizi dost\u00e7a uyaran, ele\u015ftiren kimselerle yeni dostluklar kurma ve kendimizi geli\u015ftirme olana\u011f\u0131n\u0131 verir. \u00d6te yandan, bize y\u00f6neltilen uyar\u0131 ve ele\u015ftirilerin yanl\u0131\u015f bilgi ve de\u011ferlendirmelerden kaynakland\u0131\u011f\u0131 sonucuna var\u0131rsak, hem kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakini do\u011fru bilgilendirme hem de bizi iyi niyetle uyard\u0131\u011f\u0131, ele\u015ftirdi\u011fi i\u00e7in kendisine te\u015fekk\u00fcr etme f\u0131rsat\u0131n\u0131 buluruz.<\/p>\n
Dedikodu ve g\u0131yapta yerme b\u00fct\u00fcn \u00e7a\u011flarda, b\u00fct\u00fcn d\u00fcnyada ve b\u00fct\u00fcn k\u00fclt\u00fcrlerde k\u0131nanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Buna ra\u011fmen, ba\u015fkalar\u0131yla ilgili konu\u015fmalar\u0131m\u0131zda konu onlar\u0131n iyilik ve ba\u015far\u0131lar\u0131ndan \u00e7ok, k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fckleri ve ba\u015far\u0131s\u0131zl\u0131klar\u0131d\u0131r. Bu, galiba \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131p b\u00fcy\u00fcme yerine ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fclt\u00fcp onlardan b\u00fcy\u00fck g\u00f6r\u00fcnmeye yatk\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zdan geliyor. Ne de olsa \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131p b\u00fcy\u00fcmek gibi zahmetli bir yola g\u00f6re ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcltmek \u00e7ok kolay ve k\u0131sa bir yol. Bu nedenle insanlar\u0131n bir k\u0131sm\u0131 bu yolu se\u00e7mekte pek sak\u0131nca g\u00f6rm\u00fcyorlar.<\/p>\n
Bize y\u00f6neltilen uyar\u0131 ve ele\u015ftirileri de\u011ferlendirirken insanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n bu zaaf\u0131n\u0131 da dikkate almakta yarar vard\u0131r. D\u00fc\u015fmanca, haks\u0131z ve yanl\u0131\u015f bilgiye dayal\u0131 uyar\u0131 ve ele\u015ftirileri \u00e7ok \u00f6nemsememek gerekir. Ancak birbiriyle ilgisiz bir \u00e7ok ki\u015fi hakk\u0131m\u0131zdaki uyar\u0131 ve ele\u015ftiride birle\u015fiyorsa, ortada yanl\u0131\u015f bilgi ve de\u011ferlendirmeden ba\u015fka bir durumun bulundu\u011funu, ele\u015ftiriye konu davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n yanl\u0131\u015f bilgiden, yanl\u0131\u015f de\u011fer yarg\u0131lar\u0131ndan, a\u011f\u0131r bencillikten ve daha bunlara benzer bir \u00e7ok nedenden kaynakland\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, ba\u015fka bir deyi\u015fle art\u0131k semer alma vaktimizin geldi\u011fini\u2026 anlay\u0131p hangi yolu izleyece\u011fimizi kararla\u015ft\u0131rmak gerekir. Ya semercinin \u00f6n\u00fcnden ge\u00e7ip ah\u0131ra giden yolu se\u00e7ece\u011fiz ya da yanl\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131zdan, bencilli\u011fimizden, kabal\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zdan\u2026 vazge\u00e7ip insanla\u015fma yolunu se\u00e7ece\u011fiz. \u0130nsanla\u015fmak zor fakat onurlu, semer almak kolay fakat k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fclt\u00fcc\u00fc\u2026 \u00d6zg\u00fcr\u00fcz, istedi\u011fimiz yolu se\u00e7ebiliriz\u2026 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cBir ki\u015fi size e\u015fek derse, duymazdan gelin. \u0130ki ki\u015fi size e\u015fek derse, ald\u0131rmay\u0131n. \u00dc\u00e7 ki\u015fi size e\u015fek derse, neden diye bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcn. D\u00f6rt ki\u015fi size e\u015fek derse, kendinizi iyice g\u00f6zden ge\u00e7irin. Be\u015f ki\u015fi size e\u015fek derse, hi\u00e7 durmay\u0131n, kendinize bir semer al\u0131n\u2026 \u201c Yukar\u0131daki s\u00f6z\u00fc kim s\u00f6ylemi\u015f, bilmiyorum; ama galiba do\u011fruluk pay\u0131 olduk\u00e7a y\u00fcksek bir […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1056"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1056"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1056\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1057,"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1056\/revisions\/1057"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1056"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1056"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1056"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}