\u201cKe\u015fke \u00f6yle demeseydim, \u00f6yle yapmasayd\u0131m\u2026\u201d ya da \u201c\u015eimdiki akl\u0131m olsayd\u0131\u2026\u201d gibi s\u00f6zlerle anlat\u0131lan pi\u015fmanl\u0131k duygular\u0131n\u0131 ya\u015famayan var m\u0131 aram\u0131zda? <\/p>\n
Yukar\u0131daki soruyu d\u00fcr\u00fcst\u00e7e yan\u0131tlayacak olursak pek \u00e7o\u011fumuz pi\u015fmanl\u0131k duygusunu zaman zaman ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 itiraf etmek durumunda kal\u0131r\u0131z. Peki, sonras\u0131nda pi\u015fmanl\u0131k duyaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z davran\u0131\u015flarda bulunmam\u0131z\u0131n, sonradan pi\u015fman olaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z s\u00f6zleri s\u00f6ylememizin sebebi nedir?<\/p>\n
\u00c7ok a\u00e7, \u00e7ok susuz, \u00e7ok yorgun, \u00e7ok uykusuz\u2026 oldu\u011fumuz zamanlarda en \u00e7ok istedi\u011fimiz \u015fey bir an \u00f6nce yemek yemek, su i\u00e7mek, dinlenmek, uyumak\u2026 k\u0131sacas\u0131 ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 bir an \u00f6nce kar\u015f\u0131lamakt\u0131r. Bu ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131lanmas\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7abukla\u015ft\u0131racak, kolayla\u015ft\u0131racak yakla\u015f\u0131mlar bizi sevindirir; y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fc g\u00fcld\u00fcr\u00fcr; bu yakla\u015f\u0131mlarda bulunanlara te\u015fekk\u00fcr etme gere\u011fini duyar\u0131z. Bizi ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 giderme \u00e7abam\u0131zdan al\u0131koyan ya da s\u00f6z ve davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131yla i\u015fimizi zorla\u015ft\u0131ran, engelleyen olaylara, ki\u015filere kar\u015f\u0131 de\u011fi\u015fik tepkiler g\u00f6steririz. Bu tepkilerimiz, kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakinin g\u00fcc\u00fcne g\u00f6re ho\u015fnutsuzluk g\u00f6sterme, lanet okuma, ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131p \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rma, hakaret etme, s\u00f6v\u00fcp sayma, itip kakma, hatta kaba kuvvet kullanma gibi sonradan kendimize yak\u0131\u015ft\u0131ramayaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z bi\u00e7imlerde ortaya \u00e7\u0131kar. Bu tepkisel davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131z bir yandan kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakini incitir, k\u0131rar, ya da bize kar\u015f\u0131 ayn\u0131 davran\u0131\u015flarda bulunmaya zorlay\u0131p kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131kl\u0131 zararlar g\u00f6rmemize neden olurken bir yandan da yukar\u0131da s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc etti\u011fim pi\u015fmanl\u0131klar\u0131 ya\u015famam\u0131za yol a\u00e7ar. B\u00f6ylesi durumlarda ki\u015filik ve k\u00fclt\u00fcr yap\u0131m\u0131z el veriyorsa pi\u015fmanl\u0131k duydu\u011fumuz davran\u0131\u015flardan \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fc kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakilerden \u00f6z\u00fcr diler ya da \u201cHaks\u0131z da olsam ben \u00f6z\u00fcr dilemem arkada\u015f!\u201d ilkelli\u011fine yatar\u0131z. <\/p>\n
Sonradan pi\u015fmanl\u0131k duygusunu ya\u015famam\u0131za yol a\u00e7an s\u00f6z ve davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n nedeni yaln\u0131zca a\u00e7l\u0131k, yorgunluk ve benzeri durumlar de\u011fil elbet. Ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z travmalar, felaketler, korkular, b\u00fcy\u00fck ac\u0131lar, tacizler, kulland\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z ila\u00e7lar\u0131n yan etkileri, alkol ve uyu\u015fturucular, salg\u0131 bezlerimizin \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131 h\u0131zland\u0131ran ya da yava\u015flatan hastal\u0131klar da kimyasal dengemizin, dolay\u0131s\u0131yla beyin kimyam\u0131z\u0131n de\u011fi\u015fmesine, ayn\u0131 bir olay\u0131 , s\u00f6z\u00fc, davran\u0131\u015f\u0131, jesti ya da nesneyi farkl\u0131 bi\u00e7imlerde alg\u0131lamam\u0131za ve de\u011ferlendirmemize, farkl\u0131 tepkiler g\u00f6stermemize yol a\u00e7ar. K\u0131saca s\u00f6ylemek gerekirse beyin kimyam\u0131z i\u00e7 ya da d\u0131\u015f etkenlerle de\u011fi\u015ftik\u00e7e tepkilerimiz, davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131z da de\u011fi\u015fir ve belli bir durumdaki tepkimizi o an do\u011fru ve yerinde olarak de\u011ferlendirirken beyin kimyam\u0131z\u0131n de\u011fi\u015fmesiyle birlikte ayn\u0131 tepkimizi sa\u00e7ma, haks\u0131z, aptalca ve benzeri s\u0131fatlarla de\u011ferlendirmeye, pi\u015fmanl\u0131k duymaya ba\u015flar, yeterince insanla\u015fm\u0131\u015fsak o s\u00f6z ve davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131zla k\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z, incitti\u011fimiz insanlardan \u00f6z\u00fcr dilemenin yollar\u0131n\u0131 arar\u0131z. <\/p>\n
Beyin kimyam\u0131z\u0131 sald\u0131rganla\u015fmam\u0131za yol a\u00e7acak bi\u00e7imde bozan, de\u011fi\u015ftiren etkenlerden biri de ezberimizin bozulmas\u0131d\u0131r. Ezber dedi\u011fimiz \u015feyler, bize inan\u00e7, t\u00f6re, gelenek \u2013 g\u00f6renek, ahlak ve benzeri konularda mutlak do\u011fru olarak kabul ettirilmi\u015f, tart\u0131\u015f\u0131lmaya, sorgulanmaya, ele\u015ftirilmeye kapal\u0131, uygulanmas\u0131 cennetle \u00f6d\u00fcllendirilmeye, ihlalleri ise cehenneme at\u0131lma yapt\u0131r\u0131m\u0131na ba\u011flanm\u0131\u015f kurallard\u0131r. Yine kontrolleri alt\u0131nda bulundu\u011fumuz \u00e7evrelerce bize mutlak do\u011fru diye dayat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f siyasi ve felsefi g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fler de d\u0131\u015flanma korkumuzdan beslenen ve mahalle bask\u0131s\u0131yla desteklenen ezberlerdir ki farkl\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015flerde olanlara kar\u015f\u0131 d\u00fc\u015fmanca, sald\u0131rganca davranmam\u0131z\u0131n ba\u015fl\u0131ca nedenlerini olu\u015ftururular. Ezberimizdeki inan\u00e7, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce ve siyas\u0131 kal\u0131plar\u0131n do\u011frulu\u011funu g\u00f6zden ge\u00e7irip varsa yanl\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 d\u00fczeltmek gibi zahmetli bir i\u015fe giri\u015fip kafa yormak yerine farkl\u0131 inan\u00e7 ve siyasi g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f sahiplerini topa tutmak, hatta k\u0131l\u0131\u00e7tan ge\u00e7irmek \u00e7ok daha kolay\u0131m\u0131za gelmektedir. <\/p>\n
\u00d6zetlemek gerekirse, herhangi bir nedenle birilerine kar\u015f\u0131 d\u00fc\u015fmanca davranma gere\u011fini duydu\u011fumuzda ger\u00e7ek bir savunma zorunlulu\u011fu
\nbulunup bulunmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 incelememiz, e\u011fer ger\u00e7ek bir neden varsa sorunu bar\u0131\u015f\u00e7\u0131l y\u00f6ntemlerle \u00e7\u00f6zmeye y\u00f6nelmemiz, sald\u0131rganl\u0131k duygular\u0131m\u0131z hakl\u0131 bir nedenden de\u011fil de beyin kimyam\u0131zdaki ani de\u011fi\u015fmeden kaynaklanm\u0131\u015fsa ya da birilerinin dolduru\u015funa, k\u0131\u015fk\u0131rtmas\u0131na geldi\u011fimizi, ba\u015fkalar\u0131na alet olmak noktas\u0131nda bulundu\u011fumuzu, ba\u015fkalar\u0131 yerine d\u00f6v\u00fc\u015fmekle g\u00f6revlendirildi\u011fimizi, k\u0131saca kullan\u0131lmakta oldu\u011fumuzu fark edersek sonras\u0131nda pi\u015fman olaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z s\u00f6z ve davran\u0131\u015flardan hemen vazge\u00e7meliyiz. Bize y\u00f6nelmi\u015f d\u00fc\u015fmanca s\u00f6z ve davran\u0131\u015flara an\u0131nda benzer kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k vermek yerine sald\u0131r\u0131n\u0131n sald\u0131rgan\u0131n k\u00f6t\u00fc niyetinden mi, beyin kimyas\u0131n\u0131n bir \u015fekilde bozulmu\u015f olmas\u0131ndan m\u0131 ya da dolduru\u015fa getirilmi\u015f olmas\u0131ndan m\u0131 kaynakland\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlaman\u0131n ve gere\u011fini buna g\u00f6re yapman\u0131n daha do\u011fru olaca\u011f\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fclebilir. Siz ne dersiniz?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cKe\u015fke \u00f6yle demeseydim, \u00f6yle yapmasayd\u0131m\u2026\u201d ya da \u201c\u015eimdiki akl\u0131m olsayd\u0131\u2026\u201d gibi s\u00f6zlerle anlat\u0131lan pi\u015fmanl\u0131k duygular\u0131n\u0131 ya\u015famayan var m\u0131 aram\u0131zda? Yukar\u0131daki soruyu d\u00fcr\u00fcst\u00e7e yan\u0131tlayacak olursak pek \u00e7o\u011fumuz pi\u015fmanl\u0131k duygusunu zaman zaman ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 itiraf etmek durumunda kal\u0131r\u0131z. Peki, sonras\u0131nda pi\u015fmanl\u0131k duyaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z davran\u0131\u015flarda bulunmam\u0131z\u0131n, sonradan pi\u015fman olaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z s\u00f6zleri s\u00f6ylememizin sebebi nedir? \u00c7ok a\u00e7, \u00e7ok susuz, \u00e7ok yorgun, \u00e7ok […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/981"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=981"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/981\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":982,"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/981\/revisions\/982"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=981"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=981"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kocapinarnotlarim.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=981"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}